Today I went to the temple with the ward. When we got there we sang a song and had a prayer and the second counselor told me I was baptizing all the girls. What! I was shocked. I thought you had to be a high priest or something to do that.
I was briefed on what to say and was given the clothes and thrown in the font. It was a rush. I felt such a responsibility doing that work. I found that as I said that prayer over and over that it was most important that I thought about what I was saying and not just saying it and putting the meaning in the back of my head. Especially the part, "Having been commissioned of Jesus Christ" and the end where I close "in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost." I didn't want to take their names in vain, so I said it as sacred as I could with as much thought as possible.
I did all but 2 of the girls and John (counselor in the Elder's Quorum) did the rest and the guys too since there were more girls than guys. I then changed and was a witness for the guys.
I felt the spirit so strongly. I prayed most of the way home that I would more responsibly take the Lord's name upon myself as I have covenanted many times in my life at partaking the sacrament and also in other covenants.
Upon returning home I found a yellow rose on my bed. I hoped it was Sarah upon first glance. I opened the envelope included. It read,
February 15, 1994
I read your letter when I got home last night. It was a bit overwhelming for me. I have a fun time when I'm with you. Your sweet, thoughtful, and easy to talk to. There is something I want to tell you. I dated someone last semester, he left on a mission. We were quite serious. It's hard to forget about him. I'm not ready to start a relationship with anyone. Right now I need time to be alone. I hope this doesn't effect our friendship because I still want to do things with you. I just needed to be honest with you. I hope you understand my situation and want to continue building our friendship.
Sarah Bowman P.S. Smile
I will give you my interpretation of this:
She is confused at this time. Just like I was that night when I was thinking of Charmayne and wondering if I really should wait. I think she has major confusion and wants time to think about it. I can totally empathize with her. It isn't a fun situation to take one and throw another away just because of the one. Especially when you care about the other. I do have a positive about this though. Most of the time, when confronting girls that were nice, it never confused me. It only confused me at a certain point of time. It wasn't a person that confused me, but time and the thoughts of being alone for 1 and a half years.
She is confused either :
Because she doesn't want to be alone and when someone comes, she wants to continue with it, but hesitates because of the natural hanging on to the lost one.
Because of time, it was a while since she last saw him and the love is dwindling. I must thoroughly admit, the love dwindles after time. Time truly is an enemy to man. I just had been thinking about this long truth I have known for a while. It is an enemy to the one who has time to deal with. For me, time is my friend, for he will draw that intensity from Sarah's heart and because of the time I spend with her, it will replace those lost feelings with one's for me. But I am being rather cynical about these sacred feelings so I will end with this.